Spank You, Spank You Not - Dating The Domme

Welcome back to The Domme Diaries 2. I perhaps deserve a spanking for being a tad neglectful of regularly writing and in particular sharing some of my musings. Nonetheless, I have plenty of heart felt/comedic sonnets to sing so let me belt it on out for you dedicated TDD readers.

In my personal song n dance of living, I'm typically easy going and I don't mind 'turning down the Domme' when the time calls for it.  I've briefly went over the Dommisive aspect of myself in  the first edition of TDD   http://audacityof2.blogspot.com/2010/11/forward-movement-learning-curves.html Since I two step in and out of the realms (personally and professionally). I can be a darling submissive in the right intimate setting for that special 'Alpha Male' lol. Nonetheless, I am 'normal' and I have experienced the same ups and downs of dating also.

From the gents who I've been interested in locking my eyes, mind, hips and lips (and holding my floggers) that couldn't adjust to this part of me. One of the few layers of who I am and what I do would perhaps wreck havoc with insecure ones.  They either thought that they needed to be 'On' all the time and go H.A.M. (TOO hard as a mutha....) outside (much less in the bedroom).  Or the ones that thought  I'd try to dominate them and steal their virgin butts and not letting their guards down to simply BE in the moment sans booty piracy intrusions (literally this guy was REAL vocal about me staying away from his butt. I'm like, "hunny I know you don't get down like that" oye vey lol).  I've experienced a couple of men who thought every night would be freaky rope and whip night & they could completely have their kinky way because of the Dommisive aspect of my being once I told them I was an active switch personally.  I also dated someone who 'thought' he wanted me to share my tales with him, but then he would get so squeamish when I began to tell him about my work day that I stopped which inevitably led to one of the few reasons of our timely relationship demise (yes you read that right; "timely demise" lol).
 

Someone once asked me why I don't date within the BDSM lifestyle? I've embraced the duels of duality for over 6+ years and of course am still in it on quite a few aspects regarding my money maker & a few leisurely entertaining antics on occasion. But there are moments within my personal proclivities that I do not want to be 'On' all the time and in those kinds of relationships, the Domme is always 'On' in some way or fashion and quite frankly, as much as I enjoy it, I like my own kind of downtime where I'm not pleasurably punishing someones balls and being a Savvy Sensual Sadist. Also, there's that other perplexing complexity of cultural relations.  I have a deep love for black men and unfortunately, there are many 'straight laced' men that I happen to be attracted to who aren't interested in venturing at side of the fence for a plethora of  understandable reasons pertaining to long held stigmas within human sexuality and how race plays its part (collars and whips being one of my favorite things to do amongst other things).




But I don't want to make this a 'woe is me I can't find a man' tale because that is SO not the case for me personally contrary to certain 'public status reports' generally typing. I can admit that I come with my own loving complexities and bullshit like everyone else and it's quite a bit of work to Dominate/Discipline myself first along with my intention of dealing with someone else (personally and/or professionally). Or as a friend affectionately said, "Aura you're a real treat but you're not a simple walk in the park!"  I know I've bruised & kicked a few hearts along the way hence why becoming a more responsible friend and lover in the ship of relations is something to not only think about but practice as this special Dommisive is in no rush to pop my sub collar for my chosen Dom. 

Want more of the Dynamic one?  I now reside in Tumblr land via The Altered States of Aura... auradacity-of.tumblr.com for random enthusiastic musings beyond the Domme-sphere.  You can also find me via Face Book under Aura Dynamo if we’re not connected already. Don't forget to send a message when you make that 'friend request'. At least I'll know where ya found me. If you can't find me, leave your FB name/profile at audacityof@gmail.com so I can find you.

Delightful Disclaimer – ‘The Domme Diaries' will predominantly be direct adventures of Aura Dynamo.  However, names, exact dates and anything else that might prove otherwise have been omitted to protect some of the 'innocent' and a few idiots.  

"Go do something Audacious with yourself and enjoy the memories!" - Aura Dynamo  

Audacity Of… © 2011

**Downtime with 'The Domme' captured by 'Phant' for Phantom Graffics**

Hanging Out To Dry...

I tried to hang this 'special' apparatus out to dry, but perhaps too pre-maturely.  None one tells you that sometimes you're ready and other times you may not be & how to deal with Spiritual setbacks.  No one tells you exactly all the times they've slipped (I guess it's shown more so than told).  Nonetheless, I'm back in the swimming pool not exactly on the shallow end but not exactly on the deep end.  The last episode of  TDD held an emotional 'this little light of mine' moment.  




God told me something, but I'm still in the maturation process of  truly hearing/listening to Him & deciphering the intimate discussions within.  I've already nipple twisted myself about it and so I continue on my road tailor made with Domme cloaks and submission shoes interchangeable with High Hopeful Heels and low run down flats. 


My summer was spent back in the land of corporate.  I thought it would be different for me on the positive side. It was in hindsight.  It let me know that I did not belong there (at least full time).  10-13 hour days spent paper pushing meaningless shit. Praying, reaching stretching for patience and sanity.  The company was 'a good place'.  Money, benefits and all the trimmings that one would like. However, the company also let this one prick of a man be who and how he is to the peril of whoever works directly with him, "Although he's a dickhead and asshole, he's good at what he does and that's closing business"  EXCUSE ME?? was my facial expression to that tidbit of info. So it's okay for him to be douchtastically shitty because he makes the co. money?  THAT right there was a no-go for me from that point onward.  The days that followed, I sat there thinking I made a  hasty decision for a couple of reasons.  One being the current family status (had a major family situation sprout up).  The other main reason was my Spirit and the job itself.  I will say the guy was 'honest' in saying he can be sort of an asshole during the interview.  BUT I HAD NO CLUE ON HOW MUCH as I've dealt with those 'kinds of folks' before in corporate and of course Domming.  I left my Domme coat in the closet and 'humbled myself' as much as I could without going overboard to work with him.  I definitely wasn't the workload as I am accustomed to heaps of 'important paperwork'.  However, our ideas on how to build respectful, working communication clearly weren't in sync and quite frankly when communication is faulty, everything else goes downhill. This was not one of those 'Jesus walks' moments where I could've stayed, grinned and took the shaft up my ass.  I was becoming nauseatingly depressed everyday just being there. The place was literally like the yellow floor red cup scene in Transformers 3.   I knew something wasn't quite 'right' when my headhunter and the human resources person KEPT ASKING me, "do you want to be here?" After three interviews (one that was completely bitch bogus time waster), THAT should've been my clue to walk the other way.  

The thoughts that dominated my mind in the days to follow consisted of:  Why did I leave one realm to go into the other? At least the other one was one I could 'control' to a degree. Was it because I thought or felt my character needed to be changed & re-arranged?  Did I think the Great One ‘in the sky’ (aka the God in my heart) would have disdain within me because I claim I love Him only to be continually doing the things I supposedly ‘shouldn’t’ be doing? Or did I ask for the wrong thing all together?? Whelp apparently I’m immature in some spiritual aspects of 'my walk'.  But definitely a master through trial and error unfortunately/fortunately in knowing that some things ARE REALLY NOT FOR ME.

So as I listened to chattering keyboards stroking utterly useless shit...  So as I felt a growing disconnect and discontent of ‘This CANT be my life because I KNOW I have greatness within me damnit!’ ...So as I heard this peon of a pigeon of a little man who everyone dislikes (if not loathes at that job) and thought, “DO YOU KNOW WHAT I USE TO DO TO FUCKSTERFACES LIKE YOU?!”

 At that moment I pretty much said to myself, “I know I asked for this dear God, but I don’t think my motives nor timing was clear to myself.  I just wanted ‘out’ because I thought it was the ‘good thing to do’.  I’m clearly not ready to repent (turn away), just honestly confess in my transgressions with this area of ‘thought’ in depth for now. All I know is THIS job is not for me because I was not completely clear in my asking as I thought I was.  I left out a pivotal detail about who I wanted to work with. Everything else came into fruition, but that part because I didn’t ask for it.  I bet next time when I’m ready to ask You for something in that arena, I will be very clear and careful of EVERY DETAIL.  I Thank YOU for the lesson.” 

After my conversation with God concluded at my desk, I thought about the decade I’ve spent in corporate and I’ve only encountered 1 (and a 1/2) other people like this EVER.  I just couldn't wrap my Spirit around this level of selfishness.  There are just too many hours doing work that is smoke and mirror bullshit for starters.  I listened to this sad little man of a ‘boss’ be sincerely insensitive, obnoxiously selfish and just plain ole dickhead-ish that I walked into his office a couple of days later after giving my two week notice and put my ‘honeymooner’ on the table and told him that I think my dick is bigger than yours….   The look on his face as he gasped and gagged....oh what a paperweight and a unsavory weight lifted off of me! 

 I obviously didn't finish out my two weeks as it was told to me, "I think it's a good idea that your last day is today." I know it was wrong to do and not an eloquent exit, it was what it was.  Although that part of my 'side step' has concluded, I walk onward and Upward eager discovery of what Godly thing I 'should' be doing even when/while the valley remains a bit steeper in the process of growing. In the meantime, I have a firm notion that all things move in accordance to the dynamic track of God's choice.

The search for my Spiritual happiness MUST be right no matter how unorthodox the climb may be.  Enjoy the cliff hanger mountain climber song (sans the 'falling off' soundbite). 


I have left the realm of twitter and reside in Tumblr land via The Altered States of Aura... auradacity-of.tumblr.com for random enthusiastic musings.  You can also find me via Face Book under Aura Dynamo if we’re not connected already. Don't forget to send a message when you make that 'friend request'. At least I'll know where ya found me. If you can't find me, leave your FB name/profile at audacityof@gmail.com so I can find you.

Delightful Disclaimer – ‘The Domme Diaries' will predominently be direct adventures of Aura Dynamo.  However, names, exact dates and anything else that might prove otherwise have been omitted to protect some of the 'innocent' and a few idiots.  

"Go do something Audacious with yourself and enjoy the memories!" - Aura Dynamo  

Audacity Of… © 2010- 2011

 **second photo 'angry eyes' captured & altered by 'Phant' of Phantom Graffics**
**fourth photo captured by Holly Daggers of Wet Circuit Studio in Long Island City, NY**

Got A Heaven of A 'Her-story' to Tell....

Gracious Grateful Gigantic Greetings extended. I know I’ve been a naughty woman by not keeping up with this.  When I restarted The Domme Diaries 2, I stated “There’s still so much room for adventures of the Domme kind within this 2^nd edition of The Domme Diaries and I’ll share them with you from the usual musings of randy amusements of people I encounter.  But there will also be some Soul Domme-ing within these current moments of my life too.  What is a ‘diary’ without that?”  I HAD NO IDEA that what I’m growing through would unfold unfurl and manifest itself on the Soulful side of the stratos FOR REAL.

Since that first entry, I received a call.  This call was of a heavily Spiritual kind.  The kind of internal calling that makes one feel like she’s Shug Avery from The Color Purple (I'm laughing while typing this, but go on and click that box below and you'll see what I'm talking about for those that aren't familiar)

Yes, this “Wild Child of Eros”; the ‘domme’ is being Dominated by Christ/God these days. Before y'all start building a story in your precious heads, NO nothing bad happened to me that brought me to this tipping point.  Business moving moderately smooth as usual. Just living and breathing and beating folks lol.  For me, there came a time in the quiet spaces when one has to truly ask his/herself, what is this all for? I mean REALLY what is this all for and what are the long term effects way outside of these planes?  Does this have an effect on the Spirit and what are you taking with you when it's all said & done?  But I’ll get that personal part of that dance soon enough as everything is parts of a whole.

As of late, I’ve been thinking about the world we’re living in.  A world where we ‘do what we want when we want’ when the lines are blurred and exceptions are made.  Temporary pleasantries are sought at an all time high without deeper meanings.  Especially from a man’s perspective.  Although I hear about the stories of ‘rebel Jezebels’ from some of my male friends lol.  I can attest to some of those stories on a personal note. 

 I’ve come to realize moving with intent with something so intricate and intimate such as the mind and the fantasies or walls we put up to cover up the very thing we need to seriously address within ourselves. Sexuality is often times  a highway for cataclysmic catalysts within the bigger picture.  Public Pleasures and private pains.  The private pains are the things that eat us all alive in the end.  In my case they lay in the recesses of spankings and all sorts of other areas of ‘play’ although 'exciting'...You really start to wonder WHY??.  I asked one client, why do you ‘like’ this?  He said, “I like that it’s elicit. That there’s a feeling of wrong or taboo to it.” It made me think, what am I being the conduit for? What am I subscribing to? I know I’m not like other ‘dommes’ who can be this character wearing a mask of ‘power’.  My ‘power’ is not derived from acts or scenes. Or blindly do their work or chase money like robots.  I’m a thinker and caring individual.  The same client who said he ‘likes the elicit nature’ of play is the same one who wants a ‘domme to own him’ a girlfriend who can do all the kinky things that he enjoys.  He just got out of a very lengthy relationship with someone who he couldn’t open up to and express these sexual desires. My client base is predominantly men who are married and don’t have a clue on how to open up to their wives. Or the wives grow out of being sure of themselves and just let sexual relations slip away and inevitably their marriage because they don’t know how to address those feelings within themselves as well.  Body changes from child birth, seeing the sexy younger contemporary comparisons of a hyper sexualized society we’re living in amongst other reasons both parties feel some sort of disconnect.  BUT as I’ve stated before, people are clinging to things or seeking for things that are a bit on the hyper side as well.  The ‘lonely hearts’ club is at an all time high.  Doing the kind of work that I do, I actually TALK with most of the people who are seeking me out for ‘past time paradise’ kinky moments and like I said, I start to see the deeper feelings behind the conversations. The Public (or private) Pleasures and Private Pains y'all.  The kind that eats at these folks. That begins to eat at me carrying their secrets in my 'earthen vessel' wishing freedom for them and for myself past these moments of 2hour session thrills.  

With these thoughts and feelings that are now sprouting in my heart and mind, one may ask, “so are you going to give up domming?” Or “isn’t it hypocritical to keep doing what you’re doing?”  YOU DON’T BECOME A HOLY ROLLER OVERNIGHT.  I repeat,  this kind of Spiritual Dominance from ‘Above’ does not happen overnight.  The ‘rolling’ part of trying to ‘get right’ outside of the most ‘public pleasure’ (human sexuality which unfortunately has diminished from the real ‘sacred sexuality’) is not something one can easily overcome professionally or even privately as sex and all things within it has been my ‘sin’ of choice for a very long time.  NOW don’t get me wrong sex is not wrong according to the Bible. However, now that I’ve dealt in MANY AREAS of it and I’m Spiritually studying; I can see where and why the importance of ‘sacred sex’ is the missing key. AND quite frankly and honestly, some/most of these acts are not done sacredly (actions, intent, Purpose).   Oye Vey(I make majority of my ‘bread n butter’ this way).  Yes, I am transitioning through this moment in time and I have Faith that I will be okay in that retrospect.  While I’m transitioning,  I’m learning to see & enjoy the wondrous moments in the tests of transition. To see where my faith is, to see where I am in my walk, to see if I can shed the private pains that surpass BDSM and maybe even share a few publicly.  So as I was faithful to this ‘work’, and now becoming faithful in God, I’m growing through some serious things. 

Here’s a moment of clarity/testing grounds from God while dancing with the devil.   I’m with my long term patron who I happen to consider a friend in some respects. We have great sessions which are slow paced and cool overall.  Because of the intensity of the sessions, we tend to take a break between the first & second segments where we talk about many things. But there are areas of conversation one avoids in the ‘workplace’….  You know…Politics and Religion.  Since I’ve been in transition, I make it a practice to pray ask for forgiveness before during and after the sessions. They say when you’re in the midst that’s when you lean hard on God. Yes, to be in the world engaged to what I’m doing and yet be Spiritually devoid or detached praying for forgiveness for my client (for he knows not what he’s doing/thinking in his ignorance overall) praying I mean quite literally. There are sessions where my lips are actually moving in deep hearty prayer while I’m spanking or doing something 'debaucherously' subject to repentance in the twilight thinking/reflecting hours)  Thank goodness for blindfolds on the clients, but I digress…. So Politics and Religion, two ‘water cooler’ or ‘whipping boot licking’ topics that I avoid.  This particular night, for some reason we ventured into the conversation.  I think it was because of the upcoming Easter holiday weekend.  Big moment for Christians and Jews in particular &/or anyone who celebrates the Life of Christ because it’s noted as Resurrection Weekend with the ‘holy rollers’.  I had a feeling that this guy didn’t believe in God and I don’t get involved with that part of people’s brains. But he was going on and on in grand comically atheist fashion and I wasn’t offended personally, but when I get involved with discussions like that, I’m usually like “uh you don’t believe in a higher power ok…BUT do you know your enemy and how ‘he’ works??” Nonetheless, I keep it cool and listen and add in my ‘two cents’ where I can.  But then the question comes up.  OH SNAP gag moment! Now, if I may backtrack a bit.  WE never got into discussion  of this magnitude before.  We never never never.  Seriously.  So smack my ass cheeks red on this moment.  Flat out no pre-empt no nothing just, “Is Jesus Christ Your Lord and Savior?” I look at him and I think you could have heard my eyes blinking.  As I  began to talk, but he interrupts and says, “there’s no maybes here it’s yes or no is Jesus Christ your Lord and Savior?”   

Now lets envision this interesting moment shall we.  I’ve just finished doing some unholy things to him, we’re on break, I’m sitting with a long phallus attached to me prepping for the 2^nd round of ‘play’ (all the while praying) and this question.  Out of all the questions THIS QUESTION.  Then one of my favorite verses from the Bible flashes very quickly in my mind “Simply let your yes be yes and your no no for anything else is from the evil one” Mathew 5:37.   I just had a heavy discussion with someone earlier in the week about certain parts of my life lived in the ‘maybe’ sense and not Affirmative YES or NO hence why I am where I am now with my Life Transition.  This person asked this question in such a way that took me by surprise and it almost seemed like it wasn’t from him.  This very direct and precise question that in my heart I couldn’t answer it with a ‘no’ for that wouldn’t have been true and it would’ve been an awful thing.  I now feel like much more awful than I could imagine inside of me if I said ‘no’.  I answered, “yes, yes yes I do believe in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.” Then my client looked at me and said, “okay if that sustains you and keeps you and makes you a better person that’s great.  Don’t let anyone steer you from your beliefs”.  It was a surreal quiet that came into the room at that moment. We talked a bit more, lightened the conversation and concluded the rest of our session.  Needless to say I was much more exhausted than usual from that session physically mentally and Spiritually.      

Although it was a nervous “yes” that came out of my mouth, at that point I made a declaration in a situation.  God was dominating me by testing me. I’ve said this in other situations in print.  I’ve proclaimed this in other spaces.  BUT I have yet to be put into a moment where this came up.  He knows where I am, I know where I am as I have much work to do even while I honor God by communing with Him more and more.  Even through the deeds of my ‘chosen sin’ aka work (although some of the works are perhaps dishonorable at the moment…sigh But through the tests, I uphold His Honorable Patience and am comforted by His Mercy). 

Sorry I'm getting 'church-ie' in here, but I don't believe in hypocritical living and doing.  Duality = YES Hypocritical being = NO and this IS a 'diary' right? lol  In the meantime between time, I'll keep y'all in the loop of my fantastic journey honestly as the suns and moons cross.  God IS GREAT and He shows up in the most peculiar times (the 'other dude downstairs’; he shows up all the time augh) You just have to submit to Him and the experiences once you start to acknowledge what’s going on.  The power of submission to a Higher Power (GOD) is indeed greater than any slap n tickle here EVEN while I'm transitioning.  Yep I said it and mean it!  

"This is NOT 'man's religion', this IS God's Spirituality at work.  Real live heartfelt hard work" - 'Aura Dynamo'

I have left the realm of twitter and reside in Tumblr land via The Altered States of Aura... auradacity-of.tumblr.com for random enthusiastic musings.  You can also find me via Face Book under Aura Dynamo if we’re not connected already. Don't forget to send a message when you make that 'friend request'. At least I'll know where ya found me. If you can't find me, leave your FB name/profile at audacityof@gmail.com so I can find you.

Delightful Disclaimer – ‘The Domme Diaries' may or may not always be direct adventures of Aura Dynamo. Names, exact dates and anything else that might prove otherwise have been omitted to protect some of the 'innocent' and a few idiots.

"Go do something Audacious with yourself and enjoy the memories!" - Aura Dynamo  

Audacity Of… © 2010- 2011

**Photos by 'Phant' of Phanton Graffics**

 I Dominate

From the depths of learning

While leaning into my disciplined solitude

While treading the tightropes

seductively servicing slaps, tickles, push, pulls

Bondage

Oye veys

Ouches aye curumbas & perverse hoorays

I Dominate my yearning for connectivity

In ‘off the beaten path’ activities

Within the destination…

Village of the Kinky

I Dominate under the watch tower of the King Eye

Learning how to balance on the ropes within my spirited admission of submission…

…even through some/most weary tired spirits that appear in flesh of men and/or women who ‘submit’ them to short lived

Past time paradise prizes of internal conflicts and perhaps pseudo pride

Imperfectly perfect we are in this moment…

…even when we all fall short and don’t recognize the love above our mere mortal existence sometimes

I Dominate My Destiny with Love

It’s been a long time…. Since I wrote something eh?

 Some folks have begun to wonder “Where’s Dynamo? Where’s Aura?

I had to ground down for a bit and redirect refurnish reshape reinvest my mood moments and movements with a renewed Faith that Dominates my very existence in the current time-frame of life.  My Spirit dances in everything that I do and say but sometimes even the Spirit needs to be disciplined and  harnessed  and submit to the quiet of callings. 

There’s pleasure in giving but there’s POWER in submitting too ;)

As stated in the ‘1^st Edition’ of The Domme Diaries, I had intentions of moving forward with my road of Domme-dom within Kink-ville.  But now breathes a Purpose for that movement as we are all looking seeking searching and in need of things within ourselves.  It’s a Spirited dance we do while we dive in and search for our ‘true selves’ even if it’s for a moment such as this.  Sensuality Sexuality and all things defined as Human. 

There’s still so much room for adventures of the Domme kind within this 2^nd edition of The Domme Diaries and I’ll share them with you from the usual musings of randy amusements of people I encounter.  But there will also be some Soul Domme-ing within these current moments of my life also.  What is a ‘diary’ without that? 

With that said, I’m strapped in (pun totally intended here at the moment) to learn to reach   and to continue in the name of the Loving Spirit Bestowed through all of us. 

Welcome to The Domme Diaries for the newcomers and a warm welcome back to the ones that rocked with me the first festive season.  May I enthusiastically insight a riot within your spirits even if it’s of the kinky kind.   

I'm actually Twitter friendly although I may be streaming random thoughts in my own 'Altered States'. Feel free to find me there http://twitter.com/Audacity_Of where random Audaciousness continues. Also, you can find me via Face Book under Aura Dynamo if we’re not connected already. Don't forget to send a message when you make that 'friend request'. At least I'll know where ya found me. If you can't find me, leave your FB name/profile at audacityof@gmail.com so I can find you.

Delightful Disclaimer – ‘The Domme Diaries' may or may not always be direct adventures of Aura Dynamo. Names, dates and anything else that might prove otherwise have been omitted to protect some of the 'innocent' and a few idiots. 

**For a limited time, please feel free to revisit the first epic season of The Domme Diaries  http://audacityof2.blogspot.com

"Go do something Audacious with yourself and enjoy the memories!" - Aura Dynamo  

Audacity Of… © 2010- 2011

**first photo originally captured by Earl Leon of  LPW Photos**