Hanging Out To Dry...

I tried to hang this 'special' apparatus out to dry, but perhaps too pre-maturely.  None one tells you that sometimes you're ready and other times you may not be & how to deal with Spiritual setbacks.  No one tells you exactly all the times they've slipped (I guess it's shown more so than told).  Nonetheless, I'm back in the swimming pool not exactly on the shallow end but not exactly on the deep end.  The last episode of  TDD held an emotional 'this little light of mine' moment.  




God told me something, but I'm still in the maturation process of  truly hearing/listening to Him & deciphering the intimate discussions within.  I've already nipple twisted myself about it and so I continue on my road tailor made with Domme cloaks and submission shoes interchangeable with High Hopeful Heels and low run down flats. 


My summer was spent back in the land of corporate.  I thought it would be different for me on the positive side. It was in hindsight.  It let me know that I did not belong there (at least full time).  10-13 hour days spent paper pushing meaningless shit. Praying, reaching stretching for patience and sanity.  The company was 'a good place'.  Money, benefits and all the trimmings that one would like. However, the company also let this one prick of a man be who and how he is to the peril of whoever works directly with him, "Although he's a dickhead and asshole, he's good at what he does and that's closing business"  EXCUSE ME?? was my facial expression to that tidbit of info. So it's okay for him to be douchtastically shitty because he makes the co. money?  THAT right there was a no-go for me from that point onward.  The days that followed, I sat there thinking I made a  hasty decision for a couple of reasons.  One being the current family status (had a major family situation sprout up).  The other main reason was my Spirit and the job itself.  I will say the guy was 'honest' in saying he can be sort of an asshole during the interview.  BUT I HAD NO CLUE ON HOW MUCH as I've dealt with those 'kinds of folks' before in corporate and of course Domming.  I left my Domme coat in the closet and 'humbled myself' as much as I could without going overboard to work with him.  I definitely wasn't the workload as I am accustomed to heaps of 'important paperwork'.  However, our ideas on how to build respectful, working communication clearly weren't in sync and quite frankly when communication is faulty, everything else goes downhill. This was not one of those 'Jesus walks' moments where I could've stayed, grinned and took the shaft up my ass.  I was becoming nauseatingly depressed everyday just being there. The place was literally like the yellow floor red cup scene in Transformers 3.   I knew something wasn't quite 'right' when my headhunter and the human resources person KEPT ASKING me, "do you want to be here?" After three interviews (one that was completely bitch bogus time waster), THAT should've been my clue to walk the other way.  

The thoughts that dominated my mind in the days to follow consisted of:  Why did I leave one realm to go into the other? At least the other one was one I could 'control' to a degree. Was it because I thought or felt my character needed to be changed & re-arranged?  Did I think the Great One ‘in the sky’ (aka the God in my heart) would have disdain within me because I claim I love Him only to be continually doing the things I supposedly ‘shouldn’t’ be doing? Or did I ask for the wrong thing all together?? Whelp apparently I’m immature in some spiritual aspects of 'my walk'.  But definitely a master through trial and error unfortunately/fortunately in knowing that some things ARE REALLY NOT FOR ME.

So as I listened to chattering keyboards stroking utterly useless shit...  So as I felt a growing disconnect and discontent of ‘This CANT be my life because I KNOW I have greatness within me damnit!’ ...So as I heard this peon of a pigeon of a little man who everyone dislikes (if not loathes at that job) and thought, “DO YOU KNOW WHAT I USE TO DO TO FUCKSTERFACES LIKE YOU?!”

 At that moment I pretty much said to myself, “I know I asked for this dear God, but I don’t think my motives nor timing was clear to myself.  I just wanted ‘out’ because I thought it was the ‘good thing to do’.  I’m clearly not ready to repent (turn away), just honestly confess in my transgressions with this area of ‘thought’ in depth for now. All I know is THIS job is not for me because I was not completely clear in my asking as I thought I was.  I left out a pivotal detail about who I wanted to work with. Everything else came into fruition, but that part because I didn’t ask for it.  I bet next time when I’m ready to ask You for something in that arena, I will be very clear and careful of EVERY DETAIL.  I Thank YOU for the lesson.” 

After my conversation with God concluded at my desk, I thought about the decade I’ve spent in corporate and I’ve only encountered 1 (and a 1/2) other people like this EVER.  I just couldn't wrap my Spirit around this level of selfishness.  There are just too many hours doing work that is smoke and mirror bullshit for starters.  I listened to this sad little man of a ‘boss’ be sincerely insensitive, obnoxiously selfish and just plain ole dickhead-ish that I walked into his office a couple of days later after giving my two week notice and put my ‘honeymooner’ on the table and told him that I think my dick is bigger than yours….   The look on his face as he gasped and gagged....oh what a paperweight and a unsavory weight lifted off of me! 

 I obviously didn't finish out my two weeks as it was told to me, "I think it's a good idea that your last day is today." I know it was wrong to do and not an eloquent exit, it was what it was.  Although that part of my 'side step' has concluded, I walk onward and Upward eager discovery of what Godly thing I 'should' be doing even when/while the valley remains a bit steeper in the process of growing. In the meantime, I have a firm notion that all things move in accordance to the dynamic track of God's choice.

The search for my Spiritual happiness MUST be right no matter how unorthodox the climb may be.  Enjoy the cliff hanger mountain climber song (sans the 'falling off' soundbite). 


I have left the realm of twitter and reside in Tumblr land via The Altered States of Aura... auradacity-of.tumblr.com for random enthusiastic musings.  You can also find me via Face Book under Aura Dynamo if we’re not connected already. Don't forget to send a message when you make that 'friend request'. At least I'll know where ya found me. If you can't find me, leave your FB name/profile at audacityof@gmail.com so I can find you.

Delightful Disclaimer – ‘The Domme Diaries' will predominently be direct adventures of Aura Dynamo.  However, names, exact dates and anything else that might prove otherwise have been omitted to protect some of the 'innocent' and a few idiots.  

"Go do something Audacious with yourself and enjoy the memories!" - Aura Dynamo  

Audacity Of… © 2010- 2011

 **second photo 'angry eyes' captured & altered by 'Phant' of Phantom Graffics**
**fourth photo captured by Holly Daggers of Wet Circuit Studio in Long Island City, NY**